You’re eating lunch with colleagues who are ordering burgers and fries. What do you order without making it awkward?
The Short Answer
Order what serves you, briefly and without apology. A grilled protein with vegetables. A salad with protein. Whatever the restaurant offers that fits your eating pattern. The awkwardness is probably more in your head than at the table: your colleagues are likely focused on their own food. A simple order, placed without explanation, gives them little to notice.
Something to Sit With
How much of the awkwardness you anticipate actually happens?
Think about the last time you noticed, really noticed, what a colleague ordered for lunch. Probably rarely.
They may not be noticing yours either.
Learn More
The Social Eating Context.
Eating with colleagues combines two pressures:
Social conformity. We tend to match the eating of those around us.[1] When everyone orders burgers, there’s subtle pressure to order similarly. Standing out feels risky.
Not being “that person.” Nobody wants to be the one who makes a thing out of food: the one who asks a dozen questions, requests substitutions, or launches into an explanation of their eating philosophy.
These pressures can push you toward ordering food that doesn’t serve you, just to fit in.
What the research does show is not that nobody notices (nobody has measured that) but that the pressure works differently than you fear. In 64 of 69 experiments, with more than 5,800 participants, people matched their companions’ intake.[1] The table sets a level for what seems appropriate to eat, and people move toward it.
The Strategy.
Decide before you get there. Look at the menu online (many restaurants post them). Know what you’ll order before you sit down. This eliminates the in-the-moment decision-making when you’re surrounded by burger orders.
Order simply and confidently. “I’ll have the grilled salmon with vegetables.” Full stop. No explanation, no apology, no “I’m trying to eat healthy.” Just an order.
Don’t comment on others’ food. “Oh, that looks good, I wish I could eat that” draws attention to your choice. Just order and move on.
Don’t explain unless asked. If someone says “that’s all you’re having?” a simple “Yeah, I’m good” or “I had a big breakfast” is sufficient. You don’t owe a dissertation on your eating philosophy.
If pushed, stay brief. “Just what I felt like today.” “This is what sounded good.” The less you say, the less there is to discuss.
What to Order.
Most restaurants have options that work:
Grilled protein + vegetables. Most restaurants can produce this. Grilled chicken, fish, steak with a side of vegetables instead of fries.
Salad with protein. Request dressing on the side if the salad comes drowned. Add chicken, salmon, or steak to make it substantial.
Build from sides. If entrees are all problematic, construct a meal from sides: a protein, two vegetable sides, maybe a small starch.
Modify slightly. “Burger without the bun” or “salmon instead of pasta” are common requests. Servers hear them often.
The Awkwardness Reality.
You’re imagining a scene where everyone notices your order, comments on it, and judges you. More likely:
- People are focused on their own choices
- The conversation is about work, not your salad
- Even if someone notices, they probably don’t care
- The moment passes in seconds
The colleague who ordered a burger is probably not sitting there thinking “why did Sarah order a salad?” More likely they’re thinking about the meeting they have later.
Much of the awkwardness is probably self-generated: your projection of judgment onto others, more than their actual judgment, creates the discomfort.
The Identity Frame.
Research by Patrick and Hagtvedt shows that “I don’t” framing is more effective than “I can’t” (shown for goals people set themselves, rather than for ones somebody else set).[2] Internally, you’re not someone who “can’t” have a burger. You’re someone who chooses differently.
This internal frame can affect external presentation. Someone who feels deprived may act apologetic and draw attention. Someone who has simply made a choice orders confidently and moves on.
You’re not suffering through lunch while your colleagues enjoy themselves. You’re eating food that serves you. That’s not awkward; that’s just your choice.
The Occasional Exception.
Sometimes the social situation genuinely matters more than optimal eating. A team celebration, a client dinner, a moment where participating fully has real value.
In those cases, you can participate, thoughtfully, with intention, in moderate portions. One meal won’t undo anything. The question is whether this is a genuine exception or a rationalization that happens every time.
Most work lunches are not special occasions. They’re just lunch. You can eat what serves you.
Further reading:
- Patrick VM & Hagtvedt H, “‘I Don’t’ versus ‘I Can’t’: When Empowered Refusal Motivates Goal-Directed Behavior”[3] — Journal of Consumer Research, 2012
- Herman CP, Roth DA & Polivy J, “Effects of the presence of others on food intake: A normative interpretation”[4] — Psychological Bulletin, 2003
- Cruwys T, Bevelander KE & Hermans RCJ, “Social modeling of eating: A review of when and why social influence affects food intake and choice”[5] — Appetite, 2015
Written by AI, directed and approved by me. How this is made →