At a restaurant, the table wants to order appetizers to share. What do you suggest or request?
The Short Answer
Appetizers are often among the most calorie-dense dishes on the menu, and often the least satisfying for the calories (fried foods, cheese-heavy dishes, bread-based items), eaten before hunger is addressed. They add significant calories on top of a full meal. Your options: suggest protein-forward or vegetable-based apps, skip them entirely while others partake, have a small taste rather than a share, or simply say “I’ll just wait for my main.” You can participate socially without eating an extra meal’s worth of calories before dinner arrives.
Something to Sit With
How much do appetizer rounds typically add to your restaurant eating?
What would change if you made “wait for the main” your default?
Is the social participation truly about eating, or just about being present at the table?
Learn More
The Appetizer Problem.
Restaurant appetizers make overeating easy, for several reasons at once:
Easy to overeat. Fried and salty: fat with sodium, the most common of the three hyperpalatable combinations.[1] Easy to eat continuously while waiting.
Eaten when hungriest. You arrive hungry, appetizers come first. Peak hunger plus hyperpalatable food makes it easy to eat more.
Shared and bottomless-feeling. Communal plates obscure how much you’ve eaten. “I only had a few” often undercounts.
Added to full meal. The appetizer round doesn’t replace dinner: it precedes it. You’ll eat the main course anyway.
Socially normalized. “Let’s get some apps to share” is the default expectation. Not participating feels awkward.
A typical appetizer shared among four people might add 400-700 calories per person, before the meal starts. That range is an ordinary menu estimate rather than a sourced figure.
Two things make the round harder than it looks, and they rest on different evidence. Eating with company is associated with eating more, on a sliding scale: about 47% higher with two others, 58% with three, 69% with four, against eating alone; seven-day food diaries from 515 adults, so a graded association rather than a measured effect.[2] And an extra portion tends not to be fully paid back: in one trial of sixty people, the largest package of a snack led to about 143 more calories across the snack and the dinner that followed, counted together.[3] An appetizer is that effect with a menu.
The Options.
Option 1: Skip entirely. “I’m saving room for dinner. You all go ahead.” This is cleaner and simpler than it feels. Others often care less than you fear.
Option 2: Suggest better alternatives. If you’re asked for input: “How about the shrimp cocktail?” or “The grilled vegetable plate?” Protein-forward or vegetable-based apps tend to be less problematic than fried carbs.
Option 3: Minimal participation. Take a small portion once (one piece, a few bites), then stop. Satisfy social participation without full consumption.
Option 4: Delay your eating. Let others start, engage in conversation, have a drink or water. By the time you might eat, appetizers may be mostly gone.
Option 5: Substitute. Order a side salad as your “appetizer” while others share the main apps. You’re eating something, but something that serves you.
What to Watch For.
Fried anything. Calamari, mozzarella sticks, onion rings, loaded potato skins: calorie-dense, and easy to keep eating.
Bread-based items. Bruschetta, flatbreads, stuffed breads: carb-heavy and quick to eat.
Cheese-heavy plates. Nachos, quesadillas, cheese plates: calorie-dense, easy to overconsume.
Combination plates. The “sampler” with a bit of everything often contains the worst of all options.
Better Alternatives (If Ordering).
Shrimp cocktail. Protein, low calorie, portion-controlled.
Oysters/clams. Protein-forward, naturally portioned, slower to eat.
Crudités or vegetable plate. If available (not common, but exists). Avoid the heavy dips.
Carpaccio or tartare. Protein-forward, typically small portions.
Salad appetizers. Green salads, caprese (watch the oil), vegetable-forward options.
The guiding principle: protein or vegetables, not fried carbs.
The Social Navigation.
The hesitation is usually social, not personal:
- “Everyone else is getting apps.”
- “I don’t want to seem difficult.”
- “They’ll notice if I don’t eat.”
In practice:
- People are focused on their own experience
- A simple “I’m fine, you go ahead” ends the conversation
- Participating minimally often satisfies social expectations
- Others likely track your consumption less closely than you fear
You can be fully socially present (talking, laughing, enjoying the table) without eating everything offered.
The Frame Shift.
Instead of: “Appetizers are part of dining out; I should participate.”
Try: “Appetizers are a pre-meal that adds calories without adding satisfaction. The main course is the meal. I can wait for the actual meal.”
This isn’t deprivation: it’s recognizing that appetizers often don’t add proportional enjoyment for their caloric cost. The main course you ordered is usually more satisfying and more aligned with what you actually wanted.
Further reading:
- Rolls BJ et al., “Increasing the portion size of a packaged snack increases energy intake in men and women”[4] — Appetite, 2004
- Herman CP, Roth DA & Polivy J, “Effects of the presence of others on food intake: A normative interpretation”[5] — Psychological Bulletin, 2003
- Cohen DA & Babey SH, “Contextual influences on eating behaviours: heuristic processing and dietary choices”[6] — Obesity Reviews, 2012
Written by AI, directed and approved by me. How this is made →